Family Bonding
by Anonymous Pride
Summary: This is what family time in Bleach would go if the pairings were as following: Uryu/Karin Ichigo/Orihime Aizen/Yuzu


"See ya later, Uryu."

"Be good Aizen, I'll have a fresh batch of cookies waiting for you when you get home."

The three men waved to Orihime, Karin, and Yuzu from the patched canoe that was slowly drifting into the deep waters of the lake. As soon as their farewell party was out of view, the strained and fake smiles slid off all three faces.

"I can't believe I have to spend my weekend fishing." Ichigo groaned.

"I can't believe I have to spend my weekend with you guys." Uryu moaned.

"I can't believe I have to go a weekend without cookies." Aizen sobbed.

Ichigo and Uryu looked at Aizen, then at each other and slowly slid down to the far side of the canoe.

…

After a fair amount of complaining and insults they finally decided to actually fish.

"Well," Ichigo started. "Who brought a fishing pole?"

"Why don't we just stab them?" Aizen questioned, pulling a knife from the tacky Hawaiian shirt obviously borrowed from Isshin's closet.

"…"

"That's a butter knife. A plastic butter knife."

"Well Yuzu won't let me handle real knives because of what happened last time!"

"Last time?"

"It wasn't my fault the incompetent buffoons at Red Lobster didn't have any lobster for my Yuzu! How does RED LOBSTER not have any lobster?"

"They were out?"

"And then our waiter foolishly asked if we would have crab instead... what is crab anyways? Vastly inferior to lobster, I can tell you that! And I did ask nicely... well... the knife was a little menacing..."

"What does Yuzu see in you?" Uryu wondered aloud.

"What does Karin see in you?" Ichigo countered back.

"At least I had the foresight to bring a fishing pole on a fishing trip! Not a butter knife!"

"Well, I shouldn't tell you guys this, but I also snuck along an electric cattle prod."

"Where were you hiding... how did you get a... why did you bring it with you!?"

"Well you never know when you'll need to prod cattle... or other things... people I don't like..."

"Hey, let's stick it in the water, I bet that'll bring up some fish!" Ichigo said honestly.

Uryu stared at him. "First off that's probably illegal."

"Awww. Afwaid to bweak the wules Uryu?"

He ignored the comment. "Second off, we're in a canoe made of _metal_. I know you're too dense to understand simple science, Ichigo, so let me say this slowly. Water plus metal plus electricity equals two dead morons and their unfortunate acquaintance!"

"I wanna see some dead morons..." Aizen looked off into the distance. "Back in my days of power, there were lots of dead morons." His smile dropped. "I miss the dead morons. They're still dead, but you know..."

"…"

"Okay..."

"..."

"Why don't we just use the fishing pole?" Uryu asked.

"Because it's a stupid idea!" Ichigo yelled.

"Do you have a better idea, Ichigo?"

"Aizen, hand me that cattle prod!"

"Oh goody!"

"No! No cattle prods!"

"Pass it! Pass the cattle prod!"

"So what do you think the boys are doing right now?" Yuzu asked.

Karin snickered. "Two of them are probably dead by now..."

"Don't say that!" Orihime yelped. "I'm sure they're getting along just fine."

"Stupid Uryu..." Ichigo pouted.

"It wasn't you're cattle prod! Do you have any idea how long it took me to figure out how to smuggle that past Yuzu's metal detector? That was a special order!"

"I'll show you a special order! A special order of whoop-ass!"

"Uryu! Ichigo said a naughty word! And threatened me... he said he would whoop my... A-S."

"...S." Ichigo finished.

"I already said S!"

"Well there are two of them!"

"You're right, Ichigo. There are two of them. Two s's, two morons that I somehow ended up related to!" He sighs. "And look there go two large cod... would have made a nice dinner if you two wouldn't have chucked my fishing pole into the middle of the lake!"

"Oh, was that what that was? Here. Yuzu gave me one on the ride here."

"And where was that hidden?"

"..."

"Never mind."

"Just give it to me!" Ichigo said snatching it from Aizen. After baiting it he cast it in the water and everyone waited... And waited...

"How's that working for you Ichigo?" Uryu smirked.

"Shut up! You catch one!" He shouted as he thrust it towards Uryu.

He baited it and cast it in and a few seconds later had a bite. "Everyone eats what they catch!" Uryu yelled as he pulled it onto the boat.

"Then that one's mine!" Ichigo said.

"What? I caught it!"

"But it was my turn!

"No it wasn't!"

Aizen broke in. "Well it is my fishing pole-"

"No one cares!" Uryu and Ichigo said simultaneously.

"Give me the fish!" Ichigo went to grab the fish.

"No!" Uryu pulled the fish back. Ichigo went to grab it again and knocked it out of Uryu's hand. The fish splashed back into the water and swam away.

Ichigo and Uryu watched it swim away. "Nice going... moron."

"Shut up!" Ichigo said.

Aizen meekly raised his hand. "I do believe it's my turn."

"Then believe something else because Uryu stole mine!" Ichigo complained.

"Which makes it my turn because I was supposed to go after you." Uryu said.

"Look an island!" Aizen shouted practically tipping the boat as he tried to get a better view.

"Where did that come from?" Ichigo asked.

"Well, islands are made when-"

"Not scientifically smart ass!"

"We're here we're here!" Aizen was practically jumping up and down.

They dragged the canoe onto the shore and looked around. They had landed in a wooded area with palm trees and also some that looked like they might have mangos on them. Classic deserted island.


End file.
